What is ‘wrong life’?

1350671455216I have often heard people say – ”This is not what I wanted to do, but…!”, “My father pushed me into it!”, “Had I been…” etc. And worse is when I hear – nothing can be done now. I really can’t disagree more.

Primarily, I very strongly believe what I heard in one of the speeches by Anthony Robbins – “Life doesn’t happen to you. It happens for you.” Now this might not be completely true and you have full liberty to disagree, but I have found that having such belief is really helpful to meet and win the challenges of life.

Again, the problem with the remarks mentioned in the first sentence is that it leaves us completely powerless. We start to feel like a victim, which blocks our ability to act.

Yes, in life, we do get into such criticism gear. But we have to take control and move towards our goals. And believing that life happens for us is a strong way to take a step towards it.

Most of us have been through this victim-like feeling. It’s really painful! But through my experiences I have learnt that nothing went waste. All my (said to be wrong) education, all my failures, all my bad experiences were actually building up foundation towards creating the person I am today.

Further, whatever activity you do, there is something it will teach you – if you reflect and try to learn. I attended a few seminars and presentations during my Post Graduation that most of my classmates found useless. But during my exam, I stumbled upon ideas – born out of what I had heard during the seminars. I was – “WAAOW – here I have something to write”. Also, there were ideas for my research work. So I can’t call it useless. This was a tiny example in the context.

Did I see the benefit immediately? Of course not! I even did not expect it when I was attending the seminars. Nevertheless, it showed up – over time! Gita says, “Act without keeping the fruits of your action in your mind – act selflessly”.

Big words? But makes sense – isn’t it? So, I think it becomes very important that we act and wait for the turning up of events while thanking for all we currently have. What about you?

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Steps to reach THERE

THERE in the title above implies anywhere you want to go, or any goal you want to accomplish. I have talked of reaching my goals in a few other posts that you can read here – one and two. But they were more specific to me.

So who doesn’t like to achieve goals? Because the experience we get afterwards is simply amazing. But rarely does anyone want to go through the painful journey of reaching the goal. And that is why very few set goals. However, these pains are what gives life its meaning. You would like to go through this post for better understanding.

I have also talked of procrastination that is one of the most hated reasons of people who struggle to achieve their goals. But here, I am penning down the simple steps to reach your goal in general. Read it and also take the help of other similar posts here. Now, without any further delay, let’s get started. Because you know how important it is for you.

Step 1: Firstly find what all to do. When you have got to what your goal is, find what actions you should take to reach there. Today with the internet available in your hand, you can easily get an idea of what you have to do.

Let’s take an example that you want to gain weight and you got to know that you must visit the gym. But you are very busy and don’t have the time. We often consider these activities as painful and just don’t want to get into it. So time is the best escape route!

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But you know, you will find the time anyhow. You might like to read this post on procrastination.

Step 2: Decide. Whatever you want, you first need to decide that you really want. And act. I call it a part of decide step. As Tony Robbins says, “A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.” Do anything in the direction you want to go – any small act. The step will actually bind you down to your decision.

Step 3: Commit to your decision. Did you know that more than half of the new year resolutions are broken by the end of January. Why does it happen?images (5)

They lack commitment. The action you have taken while deciding will help you remain committed. Your current decision is to have a better body. So commit to it. Commit to the fact that you are getting it, whatever comes along the way. You might hire a trainer, or take the help of a friend to stick to your commitment.

Step 3: Now, following through with the commitment will also require a support system – people who will stand by to back you up when things go hazy. These people could be your mentors, parents, friends, etc., anyone whom you can trust.

Step 4: Get rid of the ones who like to pull you down. They are the negative influences who will create friction and extra hurdles in your journey. Probably, they only like to invest time in judging others. aybe they are jealous of you or probably they don’t have the visibility of things that you can. Whatever it be, move away from them.

Step 5: Start small. Take small steps. If you want to gain or lose weight, you would have to visit a gym or a park. So you could start by just waking up half an hour early. Just get up and listen to songs or do something that interests you.

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Step 6: Raise the bar. Your goal is not yet reached. So you have to move yourself to the next level. Maybe, you should start walking to the gym or park everyday.  In this step, it is not essential that you do something in the park. Just visit there and enjoy the beauty there. This is where I would recommend you to read about judging yourself because it is the best tool to become better.

Step 7: But after about six or seven days of visiting the park, you should again raise the standards and start jogging in the park. And then maybe, exercising. Or you could possibly increase the distance you jog every day.

Within a few days, you will see that this activity will pull you towards itself. You will not be able to remain sleeping in your bed. You will automatically get out of your bed.

And finally, after a few weeks, the change will be visible to everyone. Where you used to hear criticism for your thin or fat body, you will now hear praises for a nice body. Who doesn’t want to hear those good words?

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So do you create goals? How do you act to reach it? Do you remember to have fun and enjoy along the way? And to express gratitude? Does this post sound familiar to you?

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Why not judge?

My previous post said that you must not judge anyone around you. But I have now realized how important it is to judge – not others – but ourselves. Isn’t it?
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In fact this is the best and free tool we can have to develop ourselves. But we must see that this happens not to degrade ourselves, rather to better ourselves. Everyday contemplation about our activities is what enables us to act towards making it better the next time.

This is because, I think, our mind is always trying to remain engaged – in one way or the other. It means that if we don’t judge ourselves, we will judge others. So the question emerging here is – why not make ourselves better instead of spending the energy for others.

It is only to say, as I also said in previous post, other people’s life is their only. But my life is what I have right on – to make better every day – and every minute! This practice of contemplating about one’s activities gets into habit over time. But once in, the benefits are huuuge and life transforming.

Great people have been known to be excellent judge of their own activities. How about you? Do you judge other people’s activities? Or your own?

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Why judge?

It has been long time since I wrote my last post here. Actually, was little too busy. Ay, leave it! In this post I want to talk about why we should try to avoid judging anyone.
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As the topic name says, the current post is about our bad habit of judging others. Was just wondering how we would have judged on seeing Abraham Lincoln, the man whom people see as an example, before he became the President of US. For those of you who don’t know what he went through, according to Shiv Khera’s book ‘You can Win’,
“This was a man who failed in business at the age of 21 ; was defeated in a legislative race at age 22; failed again in business a age 24; overcame the death of his sweetheart at age 26; had a nervous breakdown at age 27; lost a congressional race at age 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed in an effort to become vice-president at age 47; lost a senatorial race at age 49; and was elected president of the United States at age 52.”

I, looking at the above description, by no means, see any single point how anyone among us would have judged the man stating that he will someday become the President. So is the history filled with many more such examples.
Hence, it is important that we think twice before judging someone the next time. In the words of the great Indian saint Swami Vivekananda, “Condemn none: if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way”.
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That is where I would again quote a famous Brazilian author Paulo Coelho- If you love someone; you must be prepared to set them free”. It means, I think, we should let people make mistake without judging them. And when we make mistakes repeatedly do we get free. And that is when you really get over all your fears, all your insecurities, etc.
Moreover, before you judge anyone, make sure that you are perfect.

This was all my view. How about yours? Do you judge people? Or do you just let them be?

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Healing touch of love!

Attachment with a sense of detachment is what is very significant for us all to understand.

I have seen or known individuals wanting to do something being stopped by their parents, and am sure you too have. They say – Because we love our kids. Often, these known children either wanted to get into army or wanted to start a business of their own. But they were stopped and had to settle for something – more secure! Love of the elders pulled them back.

But how far? What about their desires? Their passion – and everything within them? Their desires, etc. Yes, they would have to work hard for that – day and night! In fact, our love should be something giving way in the direction of their love and not something stopping them from the same.

But they say, “what if we lose them?” It is the fear we all live in – every second. And actually, it is the one fear in our minds that we restrict our loved ones from going after their love… their freedom. That’s where I have the question – For how long? For how long can this stopping enable those loved ones to be with us? Five years… ten years…. or fifty years… then they haves to go! Love should be something that heals… liberates – and not something that binds!
We have lived our lives! And it is often the way we wanted. So now is the time for letting those kids to live their lives. Even if it was probably not same as the way we wanted, it is time for forgiveness so that we may help the kids at doing what they want to. As parents, our job is to let the kids know the risks involved. But the ultimate decision of taking up the job should be left with the children only.

Today or tomorrow – everyone has to go! Nobody comes with an eternal life. Then why not let our children do what they want to? Let’s do our job of mentoring them while leaving them free to choose what they want to.
Love is truly reflected by letting the loved ones choose their own lives! Only then will they be able to concentrate – meditate. And evolve!!!

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Attachment with a sense of detachment

The world is filled with attractions – material and others. And further, our thoughts are designed in a .manner to pull us towards materialistic elements.

Such attachments are often in the form of love for family members, friends and other material possessions we make a fault here!

As per Gita, such things are only to be enjoyed as elements of gratification and there must not be any feeling of attachment appearing if ever we move away from them.

Gita says that the actual entity is the Atma and not the individual’s body. It also states that this Atma has a permanent exidtence and nothing can finish it. “Tera kya tha jo tu rota h” is what Gita says.

The statement very well briefs the actual summary of the text partly, which states that our body is insignificant. And any attachment to this is temporary so it has to get finished.

And thus appears attachment with a sense of detachment! I love the person and will do everything to get him or her.

But am very well aware of the very fact that the persons’ body form is temporary and has to get lost. This awareness helps us deal with a sudden situation. Grief is ok as emotions have to be shown and keeping them within create different problem. However, immersing oneself permanently is when problem appears Everything in the world is momentary and has to come to a full stop.

And having deep attachment to anything to an extent that it produces pain for a long term would be stupidity. No intelligent person will grieve much it they already have the awareness of someday losing the thing.

How is your thought about it friends?

I

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