Untying our loved ones from the knot of expectations – Let them feel free!

“Two meaningful lines – You cannot be hurt by someone who is not special to you and you can’t hurt someone who is not special to you”. My cell peeped receiving this sms late during the night, and I kept thinking about it. Is it so?

After much consideration, I realized that yes, the sms was true for almost all of us. But then again, I again started thinking, “Why is it so that we are hurt the most by those whom we love”, when it should have been the other way that we are never hurt by our special one. After all, ‘special’ has a special meaning in everyone’s life.

Going by my words, expectation is the key to all miseries in relationships. We have too much expectations from the people we love and we can’t keep up with those expectations getting false.

‘My son can’t do it’, ‘My beloved will call me’, ‘My friend will remember my birthday’….and a lot more. We tend to impose our thoughts on others – our loved ones. We develop an image of these people, and the moment that image gets knocked down, we feel stressed and get hurt. This was particularly not because of their action but because of they not coming true to our expectations. It was due to ‘they not fulfilling the unsaid promise earlier made to us’.

Why is it that we tie our loved ones to these threads of expectations? They are also human and can err. Can’t we make them free? Can’t we allow them to be who they are? And still love them?

It is very difficult. Actually, we, as normal humans, have been framed in such a way that releasing expectations and deleting the created images is a very tough job. We can’t totally fulfill that. We come in contact with so many people we love and have framed an image for each of them. Deleting all of these images is a cumbersome task, but definitely possible. Few things that we can keep a note of, to fulfill this daunting task are:

  • We all are humans and deemed to make mistakes.
  • Get into his/her shoes and try to understand the situations they might be facing.
  • He/she never promised that they would be replying to all my mails/messages.
  • Nobody needs to be something other than what he/she actually is. There is no wrong in it if the person disrupts the image you have of him, for being what he/she actually is.
  • When we are loving a person, we should be prepared to suffer for him/her. When a mother has given birth to a baby, she has to be ready to clean his or her shit, and must not feel bad about it.
  • People have to change according to their wishes and not mine. They have to live their lives.
  • Never judge others, not even those whom we love.

These words that I have written here are nothing more than few of the thoughts arising in  my stupid brain. Easier said than done – putting them here was not difficult but following them is. I have been facing great difficulties. When you also feel sad about any loving one not coming to your expectation, think of the above points and you will feel relaxed. After all, he/she is your loving………

About Sunny

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4 Responses to Untying our loved ones from the knot of expectations – Let them feel free!

  1. danceswithcrayons says:

    Very wise words, thank you. A reminder to:
    To realize the value of each friend’s joy, and path.
    Love can survive any situation.
    Thank you, Love, Jane


  2. danceswithcrayons says:

    I returned to read these words – agree wholeheartedly!
    You’re amazing, thanks again. Huge hugs : )


  3. After reading your post,i realize that it is the reason why only God’s love is said to be unconditional,for he is the only one loves us without any expectations…he is with us at all times even when we don’t remember him……However for us being human, it is really very difficult to give without any expectations and those who excel at giving unconditional love have turned great people whom we all know like Dalai lama,B.K Sister Shivani and many other pure souls of current time….there is a lot to learn from them especially this art of ‘loving without expectations!’


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